Today, I was going over the deck for a crossover fund sponsored by a Large Brokerage. I am not even looking to put money in this. But somehow I ended up opening the file. I was hooked. If the person who wrote this goes to work for the Congress, Pappu will be the next PM. 43 pages of Globe1. How? This is superhuman. Mad respects for the bullshitting skills.
Well written, logically organized, concise even. But all of it - Globe.
Here is a gem from the 43 page deck:
“Our time honoured X-over methodology is now complemented by a robust, comprehensive, sustainability-first ESG framework to find great companies that will be leaders in a post-covid world.”
Lets break it down:
Sustainability First: as long as we can flip it in the next 3 months at 2x, it is sustainable. Kyonki LPs to bewakoof hai.
ESG framework - Bleeding heart catnip. Baniyas and Marwaris please stay away. We know this won’t work on you. This is for jhola toting, fab india kurta wearing, iphone 19 carrying colaba and hauz khas village folks who are attracted by shiny things. Because ESG is the “in thing”. ESG is to investing as kishmish is to a khayali pulao. God knows we’ve sprinkled it liberally on each page. Buy into our vision which will deliver peace in the middle east, reversal of global warming and end to poverty and hunger by investing in pre-IPO loss making companies?
Time honoured X-over methodology - we are really a brokerage who is trying to get underwriting assignments to generate us fees by using your money as skin in the game. Now that IPOs are raining, we are trying to make a buck as fast as we can. As long as we are getting our 2.5 and 302, who cares.
Leaders in a post-covid world - pre-covid pigs wearing lipstick. We’ll put whatever shade on it which will let us sell it to the rubes in the IPO markets, quickly. As soon as the work from home mandate ends, these will become pigs again so for the love of god, get these to market before the FOMO punters realize what they are doing and their urgency is replaced by open eyes and a realization in the rough neighbourhood of WTF did we just do.
For once, I would like to meet the guy they had in mind when they came up with the steaming pile that is their deck. Too bad I cant put it up here….
If you are not aware of this term, find an IIT or an IIM Alumnus and ask them.
I dont know why they have these numbers. whatever happened to 2 and 20?